Television emptiness

When your very old Belgian made telly sounds like a motorbike, it's time to banish it to the garden.

Poultry Profit

Amongst the very good reasons not to bother eating meat, there is now another: You'll encourage more couples to take part in BBC2's A Farmer's Life for Me, which is basically The Apprentice, taken out of the City and plonked in rural Suffolk, with Jimmy Doherty playing Alan Sugar.

Profit's still the name of the game of course and this week the contestants are challenged to devise schemes to make cash from poultry. It turns out that the ability to make a fox proof poultry run is not as important as plucking (sorry) a marketing idea 'outside the box', out of the box, as it were.

And no, I don't want your ridiculous dead bird stuffed into a jar for sixteen quid thanks and neither does anyone else in their right mind. Put your inseminators and incubators and slaughterhouses away. You're all fired, get orf the land and let me plant something. When will they ever learn?

Propaganda

Turned off some nasty propaganda on Channel 4 tonight, 'What the Green Movement Got Wrong'.

Apparently, because people have been eating GM foods for ten years without any problems, GM technology is safe and necessary, a little like John Selwyn Gummer feeding his daughter beefburgers during the BSE crisis. They totally ignored the issues of cross pollination, monocultures, copyrighted seeds owned by global corporations exploiting poor farmers and famines caused by corrupt regimes not the inadequacies of nature.

The green movement also stood accused of allowing malaria to spread by encouraging the ban on DDT, even though they now wholly support its controlled use to tackle malaria. Again, greenies are maligned for opposing nuclear power, but James Lovelock came out in favour of it way back in 2004 and it's only because of the gobsmacking absence of major solar, wave and wind energy projects in the past twenty years that nuclear has to possibly be the reluctant last resort.

Had to turn it off before they said that the bicycle was wrong.

Watched Harry & Paul again instead ("'Ere mate! D'ya sell lottery tickets?") and listened to a smashing vintage album, produced by ex-Buggle, Trevor Horn.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Propaganda_(band)

UPDATE

Good to see that the heavyweights like Monbiot have responded to the programme too, in a much more informed and scientific manner.
http://www.guardian.co.uk

Playing For Laughs

I've ranted before about the rib-tickling comedy series Ideal set in the world of disorganised crime in Salford, starring Johnny Vegas. Not only is it extremely funny but it also features snippets of dozens of excellent previously unheard tracks, thanks to writer, actor, producer and DJ Graham Duff. The last track in the final series, as Moz was seen leaving his flat for the first time, was a slow, grungy Cocteau Twins-esque number which turned out to be the oddly named 'Recent Bedroom' by Atlas Sound, aka Bradford Cox of Deerhunter.

Good to now hear Atlas Sound have made daytime radio, well, BBC 6Music at least, with singles from last year's great Logos album, like the catchy, singalong 'Shelia'.



Nothing much to laugh about on the telly at the moment, except reruns of fabulously kooky Flight Of The Conchords.

Chortling Tonight

After the last in the series of Dan Clark's amusing How Not To Live Your Life on BBC Three the other night, last night BBC Four showed a well worth watching repeat of episode 2 from Series 1 of Flight Of The Conchords, 'Bret Gives Up The Dream', featuring the brilliant 'Inner City Pressure', with the priceless lines, "No one cares, no one sympathises, you just stay home and play synthesizers."

Micro Kid

Some great telly last night on BBC Four, with Electric Dreams, narrated by Robert Llewellyn, followed by Micro Men.



Unlike the rest of us kids of the 60s and 70s who had to endure the painfully slow and expensive evolution of technology, the family featured in Electric Dreams woke up each day to find that their technological world had advanced by a year, with new gadgets delivered to their door.



Sure, the kids didn't have a clue who Ultravox were, but they were pretty impressed by the Yamaha DX7, which worked better than their VHS video recorder. Somewhat surprisingly, they preferred the BBC/Acorn micro computer to the Sinclair ZX81 (the histories of which were explored later in Micro Men, a dramatisation featuring Alexander Armstrong as Clive Sinclair and Martin Freeman as Chris Curry) despite the overwhelmingly better supply of games for the ZX81, some of which, to my amazement were programmed by comedian Simon Munnery, aka Alan Parker:Urban Warrior.



Naturally, the Sinclair C5 electric vehicle featured and was derided equally in both programmes. I can still remember cringeing about it at the time of release - great idea, crap product - and believe that it did more to set back the cause of electric vehicles, than advance it.

Unsurprisingly, the soundtracks to both programmes were great visits down memory lane for the 80s synth enthusiast, including Kraftwerk, Yazoo, New Order, Robert Palmer and of course Level 42's 'Micro Kid'.

Bruce The Moose

Poor Ed Wardle. On his own for seven weeks in the Canadian wilderness, he didn't know whether to laugh or cry. His rations had run out, he was scared of being eaten by a bear and he couldn't find any salmon. He had to make do with berries and a porcupine. "Put that on your Channel 4," he said, as he removed the porcupine's anus with a knife.

He found the skeletal remains of a moose and naturally, as you do when you're a bit down, called it Bruce and chatted to it.

In the end, he dialled up a takeaway and someone made a food drop. Not long after, he called for a taxi and a boatplane came to rescue him.

Channel 4 - Alone In The Wild

Streets Apart

Bob Hoskins, Tim Spall, Emma Friel and David Bradley - the bloke who plays Stemroach in Ideal - what an acting masterclass in The Street (Mondays BBC1). Oddly, it's made by ITV for the Beeb and despite its success, the production company has already been closed down / sold off, so Jimmy McGovern was telling me on Front Row (BBC R4) the other night.

Sticky Wicket

How would you rate their chances if the Norwegians turned up in Cardiff this week to play cricket against the Aussies ? It would be as absurd as, say, three Brits trying to race the Norwegians to the South Pole. Even if there was time for a few weeks in the indoor nets at Tromso, I suspect some of the Norwegians might still have trouble putting their pads on correctly. Their cause wouldn't be helped if a third of the team pulled out at the last moment for a prior fishing engagement and the remainder discovered that their wives were pregnant.

Still, it might be worth watching, just to see how Norwegian batsmen cope with late swing and whether they burst into tears when given out LBW. A bit like On Thin Ice (BBC2).

Pilton Pop Festival

TV coverage of Glasto was looking a bit uninspiring for my tastes until The Prodigy and Blur turned up on Sunday. Of course, for me, most of the joy of the festival is being lost in a field discovering something for the first time, being privy to an impromptu 3 a.m. performance by an insomniac genius or contributing to or working for the festival, rather than being a punter.

It's a shame that Oxfam, Greenpeace and Water Aid didn't appear to be given a slot to spout some positive propaganda and we really should have had an in depth exploration of all the innovation that goes on, including solar and wind powered generators.

Despite knowing most of the words to Bruce Springsteen's 1980 album, The River, musically, I'd rather have been at the Sonar Festival or All Tomorrow's Parties but then again, the subtleties and textures of electronic music tend to get a bit lost when heard live in cavernous marquees and buildings.

One of the best things about this year's Glasto was that my neighbours went, leaving in their wake a wonderful tranquillity, allowing me to enjoy the butterflies, moths, damselflies and night scented stock in the garden while still being able to hear myself think.

Garlic & Artichokes

Now that it's warming up, things are starting to put on some growth, like the garlic and artichokes.



James Wong was using artichoke leaves and hawthorn berries to make a chewy low cholesterol bar in the last of the series of Grow Your Own Drugs last week. My Dad takes artichoke pills to lower his cholesterol and help the digestion of fatty foods.

I like combining the garlic, with artichoke heads and a bit of butter, in about three months time.

British Summer Time

Despite the forecast, the first day of British Summer Time* was great. We went for a cycle up the River Avon (well ok, the towpath) and turned off by the herons' nests up through the woodland.



And despite having watched all of 'Victorian Farm' on the telly, I still don't know what this bit of agricultural machinery is.



What a lovely wall ! Skilful, beautiful stuff.

* Ultramarine - British Summer Time


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Leaving The Village

A shame that Patrick McGoohan has finally left the village, aged 80. He was the star and occasional writer / director of the cult 60s TV series The Prisoner, set in Portmeirion, an Italianate community designed by the architect Sir Clough Williams-Ellis, in north Wales. The original facade of Bristol Omnibus Station was dismantled, moved and rebuilt there. (Bottom right in photo)

In the late 80s I was lucky enough to spend a few days in one of Portmeirion's astonishing self catering chalets. My then girlfriend, a radical feminist who'd made me read Valerie Solanas' S.C.U.M. Manifesto (Society for Cutting Up Men) had been invited there by a couple of her friends and I was allowed to come too.

I took my bike on the train while my girlfriend went with the others by car. Perhaps there wasn't room for me ? Whatever, I remember taking the last part of the journey on the Blaenau Ffestiniog railway.



Portmeirion has since been used as the location for an episode of Doctor Who, Cold Feet and a Supergrass video. Paul McCartney and Jools Holland have both visited, the latter reportedly basing the design of his studio and home on that of the village. Patrick McGoohan, who turned down the role of the first James Bond, apparently not liking the way the character treated women, later appeared in Scanners, Braveheart an episode of The Simpsons and much more besides.

Be seeing you ; )

Kulture

Stayed up last night and watched Snow Cake (2006) in which Sigourney Weaver plays a high functioning autistic woman whom Alan Rickman befriends after a tragic accident. A touching, well acted film, only spoilt by the presence of the Stereophonics during parts of the soundtrack / plot.

Fortunately, as an antidote, I'd earlier found Jazzflora - Scandinavian Aspect Of Jazz a compilation of brilliant contemporary Nordic jazz, some of which I've heard Gilles Peterson broadcast before, especially the marvellous Kuusumun Profeetta.

Being Sunday, later on the ubiquitous Stuart Maconie will be broadcasting his Freak Zone on BBC 6 Music, featuring Professor Justin Spear's University Of The Strange, which is always a better option than the Top 40 or Songs Of Praise.

Also got my head around The Bug - London Zoo which has half a million hits on MySpace and comes high on lists for last year's best albums, but had passed me by. I probably wasn't looking that way after everyone ranted about Burial the year before, which I found undynamic and dull.

Much less paranoid and more chilled and meditative are Swod whose album 'Sekunden' on the City Centre Offices label I got hold of lately. I've been listening to loads of ambient / drone during the last year and like the stuff with treated acoustic piano, although if it's the glitchy type, which sounds as if maybe the CD / mp3 is skipping, it's just annoying.

Survivors

Some startling similarities between the new version of Survivors (BBC1) and the series that I followed in the mid 70s. The Volvo and the hanged 'looter' in the supermarket for starters. I was hoping that humanity might have evolved a tad in three decades and gone straight for the garden centres to stock up on seeds and fertiliser, then headed out to a farm and sorted out a horse and a cow or two. Instead, we get petrol wars and the battle for Tesco Metro.

Actually, the farms could get a bit nasty too, cows are a bit cumbersome and I'm no John Wayne. I'd probably head for the coast, or an island, like Heath Bunting and his chums, whose plans for escaping to The Isle Of Skye in such an event are documented here. http://duo.irational.org/siper/

If I remember correctly, it took them a few series of Survivors in the 70s to get their collective farms sorted out, but then it all petered out and nobody wanted to watch hippies arguing over crop rotation methods. Still, they didn't have the (literally) underground renaissance command centre, which we got a glimpse of the other night, (or am I mixing it up with Spooks?) showing that although humanity might not have evolved much in 30 years, governments have.

Ideal Soundtrack

Crikey - not only does Graham 'Hi Hi' Duff write and act in BBC Three's superb 'Ideal', but he's also responsible for selecting most of the soundtracks and was once a late night radio DJ.

He's posted tracklistings for all four series at the Ideal Forum, enabling me to track down the rather wonderful Sol Seppy - 'Enter One', as goosebumpy as Amiina & Lee Hazelwood.

Ideal Tracklistings

The Uncle from U.N.C.L.E.

Christopher Cary, The Man From U.N.C.L.E., The Strange Man Affair, 1965

Mulatu Astatke v Britain's Got Talent

Escaped from teenage daughter watching 'Britain's Got Talent', with some joker playing 'keepy uppy' with a football, while a ghetto blaster played. At first, even Amanda Holden thought that he belonged on a football field rather than in a theatre, but hey, the crowd went wild and Simon Cowell loved it, so I must be wrong, it wasn't shite and he is the future of entertainment.

Thankfully, Gilles Peterson had Mulatu Astatke live in session from Maida Vale. I'd certainly rather listen to a 65 year old Ethiopian than anything that Piers Morgan thinks is entertainment. Note to self - time to stop watching certain TV shows with teenage daughter, we'll only upset each other.

Glasto

Ah - a bit late I know, but I've finally got into Arcade Fire. It dawns on me that I've already heard around half a dozen tracks on the radio, but now with the visuals...wow ! Reminds me a bit of The Flaming Lips, Pixies, David Byrne. Smashing, absolutely essential live, even from the comfort of my own mud free sofa. Soul searching, tear jerking, brilliant stuff.

In contrast, Artic Monkeys seemed to be playing the same song, over and over again, with the social skills of a lamppost. Yes (ladies & gentlemen), some of us did look good on the dancefloor, dancing like robots in 1984 but we don't do it now. No need to take the piss.

You can keep yer Kasabian, Killers, Editors and Iggy Pop - what a ridiculous old man. What's his excuse ? And how foul mouthed is Lilly Allen ? Like it or not, she's responsible for how eight year old girls talk. I was quite won over by Rufus Wainwright, in spite of / because of messing up his own songs. Camper than the big top and what a voice ! Saw snippets of Cherry Ghost & Pigeon Detectives - catchy as headlice but infinitely more enjoyable, if shambolic. Thank goodness for the Manic Street Preachers.

The Beeb's coverage was well messy - natch. Still haven't forgiven Colin Murray for joking about autism last year and being a bit in love with himself. Still, entertaining to see him speak his mind about Peaches Geldof. Jupitus might be forgiven for 'not doing tents', due to his girth, but what kind of quasi racist / stereotypical rubbish was that bloke ( Don Letts ?) spreading by saying that black people don't camp ? At least Lauren Laverne was on cracking, sparkling form as usual. Nearly made up for Peel being missing.

Also missing, from where I'm looking, is any kind of interesting electronic music. The Chemical Brothers, despite the great visuals, are a bit old hat. At the risk of sounding like a real duffer, it's not like the old days of Richard James, The Hartnoll Brothers, Squarepusher, Underworld etc.

And who needs The Who ? Shirley Bassey ?!

Fatboy Norman had the right idea, suggesting that in future there shouldn't be any named bands at all, just the sideshows. Still, it's all very well for a man who's made it very nicely thank you, to eschew the bright lights. A bit like me moaning that it ain't what it used to be !